Its national suicide prevention week.

Any other year this week would have passed me by like it was totally normal. I probably would have seen something somewhere and thought “oh yeah ok suicide prevention. cool.” but this year it has such a different meaning. All those other years I never knew what it actually felt like to lose someone to suicide. Its a feeling I cant even begin to describe. It swallows you up until you feel so hopeless you cant even get out of bed in the morning. When you commit suicide you leave so much destruction behind. Everyone in my family has been a wreck since my cousin and it will never be the same. Ever. We will never stop missing her. We will never stop wondering why she did it, and we will never stop wondering what we could have or should have done to help her while she was still here. 

Things will get better. 
I know you dont believe it. But seriously they will. Whatever youre going through is not the end of the world. You can survive it. There are millions of people out there willing to help. There are so many people who love you and need you to still be around. I know things get hard. Trust me I know. But when you commit suicide you leave everyone else around you feeling the same way you did. Depressed and out of control. Please remember that there are people who can help. Call a suicide helpline, call a friend, talk to someone before its too late. Please.

Lisa, Our family will never stop loving and missing you. I dont know why you did what you did but clearly you were in a lot of pain. Im sorry I never got closer with you when I had the chance. I dont really know what happened between us but I really did care about you. I’m so sorry that you felt so horrible about your life that you thought the only way out was to kill yourself. I’ll never understand it and I dont think anyone will but I really hope that wherever you are now you found the peace you couldnt find with us. Rest in Peace.